Category Archives: Uncategorized

Putting Chooch at Cleanup (How it All Started)

I was chatting with Kyle Kendrick the other day (who we all know, well…knows everything from curveballs to dog fishing), when he shared this interesting story about how Charlie moved Carlos Ruiz to the cleanup position:

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CHOOCH: “Charli, i hit a balls well now”

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Charlie: “Thats what she said”

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CHOOCH: “Right of field beisbal go and left beisbal go and I first base safe”

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Charlie: “I don’t speak peanut butter”

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CHOOCH: “I try say I will sooner bat in lineup”

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Charlie: “Thats correct I make the lineup, don’t listen to Rich Dubee he’s the PITCHING coach”

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CHOOCH: “I try say I will sooner bat in lineup, me all-star i hope soon!”

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Charlie: “Carlos you know I don’t speak spanish!”

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CHOOCH: “I’m higher batting tonight. You say yes?”

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Charlie: “Bark twice if you’re in Milwalkee”

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CHOOCH: “…”

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Charlie: “Or should I say…St. Louis?!”

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CHOOCH: “…”

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Charlie: “Well… two in the hand is worth more than one in the bush so go get em’ Carlos”

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Charlie: “Why was he asking me if I had any dead fish? That’s Bruntlett’s job. Oh well…time to go start Ty Wiggington [sigh]”

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Charlie Manuel’s The State of the Phillies

Interviewer: “Charlie, what can you say about the current state the Phillies are in?”

Charlie: “Tricuits.  You know? those snacks them little kids like? Yea we’re like them.  You pour a little milk on them and initially they can hold their weight, but if you keep waiting a little, to about the eighth inning or so, they start to fall apart.”

Interviewer: “Strange…Ok…What make you put Carlos Ruiz in the cleanup spot?”

Charlie: “It was really a no brain-er. What did you think I was going to put that fuckstick Ty Wiggington in there?”

Interviewer: “Not sure why you would. But any explanation for Ty Wiggington’s failures with runners in scoring position?”

Charlie: “Raisins.”

Interviewer: “Char-  um.. yea ok, well what future plans do you have to revive the club?”

Charlie: “Better pitching, and better hitting. That’s what wins you ball games. I don’t know why you asked me that, it seems quite simple.”

Interviewer: “…”

Charlie’s Views on Eric Bruntlett

In today’s postgame interview with Charlie, several points were brought up such as the reasons for his ejection and the sate of the Phillies’s current winning streak, but the hot stove topic of the day was about how much Charlie misses Eric Bruntlett.  He went on to state:

“He was an absolute vital contributor to this team…The main reason we are in the slump we are currently in is because we don’t have him backing up that new shit-stick Galvis like he did exceptionally for Utley.  His swan hands…oh his swan hands were a thing of beauty…”

After he continued to stress the importance Bruntlett’s celebration after hitting a double in the world series, he had this to say regarding the chemistry he created in the clubhouse:

“…day in and day out, he brought everything to the table.  Weather it was the turkey sliders or the mashed potatoes, we always knew we were going to win the game when he walked in with his bright blue hat and dead fish…”

The atmosphere in the room became exceptionally positive and people swear they saw a few tears running down Ruben Amaro’s cheek after he supposidly realized the catastrophe he caused upon this team by letting him go to play in the lingerie football league in Dallas.

The final question was asked, “If you could do one thing to bring back the should-have-been-all-star that was Eric Bruntlett, what would it be?” where he emotionally responded with:

“I would give up my weekly impromptu Nickelback dance-offs with Papelbon. I contemplate pointing a nail gun down my throat and duck taping the trigger down every time I check my lineup card and realize he’s not there.”

Unfortunately the transcript cuts off there, but I’m sure this moving topic will surface in the near future.