Monthly Archives: May, 2012

Putting Chooch at Cleanup (How it All Started)

I was chatting with Kyle Kendrick the other day (who we all know, well…knows everything from curveballs to dog fishing), when he shared this interesting story about how Charlie moved Carlos Ruiz to the cleanup position:


CHOOCH: “Charli, i hit a balls well now”


Charlie: “Thats what she said”


CHOOCH: “Right of field beisbal go and left beisbal go and I first base safe”


Charlie: “I don’t speak peanut butter”


CHOOCH: “I try say I will sooner bat in lineup”


Charlie: “Thats correct I make the lineup, don’t listen to Rich Dubee he’s the PITCHING coach”


CHOOCH: “I try say I will sooner bat in lineup, me all-star i hope soon!”


Charlie: “Carlos you know I don’t speak spanish!”


CHOOCH: “I’m higher batting tonight. You say yes?”


Charlie: “Bark twice if you’re in Milwalkee”




Charlie: “Or should I say…St. Louis?!”




Charlie: “Well… two in the hand is worth more than one in the bush so go get em’ Carlos”


Charlie: “Why was he asking me if I had any dead fish? That’s Bruntlett’s job. Oh well…time to go start Ty Wiggington [sigh]”


Charlie Manuel’s The State of the Phillies

Interviewer: “Charlie, what can you say about the current state the Phillies are in?”

Charlie: “Tricuits.  You know? those snacks them little kids like? Yea we’re like them.  You pour a little milk on them and initially they can hold their weight, but if you keep waiting a little, to about the eighth inning or so, they start to fall apart.”

Interviewer: “Strange…Ok…What make you put Carlos Ruiz in the cleanup spot?”

Charlie: “It was really a no brain-er. What did you think I was going to put that fuckstick Ty Wiggington in there?”

Interviewer: “Not sure why you would. But any explanation for Ty Wiggington’s failures with runners in scoring position?”

Charlie: “Raisins.”

Interviewer: “Char-  um.. yea ok, well what future plans do you have to revive the club?”

Charlie: “Better pitching, and better hitting. That’s what wins you ball games. I don’t know why you asked me that, it seems quite simple.”

Interviewer: “…”

Charlie Loves Dogs

Charlie loves dogs more than everything in the world, except Eric Bruntlett of course, and sometimes he gets carried away.  I was reading over on today and noticed that he sometimes gets confused and mixes up his dogs with his starting rotation.  The article then went on to recount times where he lost the game because he gave Roy Halladay too many greenies or that time where he threw Kyle Kendrick a bone in the middle of the third inning with the bases loaded instead of walking to the mound and making a pitching change.

Here is a link to the article:

Manuel to Give Lee Longer Leash on Tuesday


Charlie’s Views on Eric Bruntlett

In today’s postgame interview with Charlie, several points were brought up such as the reasons for his ejection and the sate of the Phillies’s current winning streak, but the hot stove topic of the day was about how much Charlie misses Eric Bruntlett.  He went on to state:

“He was an absolute vital contributor to this team…The main reason we are in the slump we are currently in is because we don’t have him backing up that new shit-stick Galvis like he did exceptionally for Utley.  His swan hands…oh his swan hands were a thing of beauty…”

After he continued to stress the importance Bruntlett’s celebration after hitting a double in the world series, he had this to say regarding the chemistry he created in the clubhouse:

“…day in and day out, he brought everything to the table.  Weather it was the turkey sliders or the mashed potatoes, we always knew we were going to win the game when he walked in with his bright blue hat and dead fish…”

The atmosphere in the room became exceptionally positive and people swear they saw a few tears running down Ruben Amaro’s cheek after he supposidly realized the catastrophe he caused upon this team by letting him go to play in the lingerie football league in Dallas.

The final question was asked, “If you could do one thing to bring back the should-have-been-all-star that was Eric Bruntlett, what would it be?” where he emotionally responded with:

“I would give up my weekly impromptu Nickelback dance-offs with Papelbon. I contemplate pointing a nail gun down my throat and duck taping the trigger down every time I check my lineup card and realize he’s not there.”

Unfortunately the transcript cuts off there, but I’m sure this moving topic will surface in the near future.

Bob Davidson Goes on an Excursion [Video]

Bob Davidson was not playing nicely with Brian Schneider today so Charlie put on his big boy pants and told Bob he has to climb mount everest with a bag of sand the size of Antonio Bastardo’s ass if he wants to push and shove.

Click the picture for the video:


Charles Fuqua Manuel Jr.

Charlie Manuel is an interesting character.  Not only was he the first president of the United States of America, but he also invented the sandwich.  Charlie is known to do numerous activities throughout the day such as breathe, eat, walk down the stairs, and save a bus full of dogs who just peed on the steps of Shiti Field, and we’re going to try and document his life.  Now I know what you’re thinking…there is no way on earth that those dogs needed to be saved because, honestly…who gives a fuck about Shiti Field.  I can personally vouch for the fact that more people enjoy the thrill of watching Mike Liberthal leave the bases loaded while sitting at home sipping a 2 gallon tub of expired mayonaise than get paid to go to a Mets game anyway.

But that’s besides the point.

If you’re a Charlie Manuel fan, and you want to hear all of the facts (well…the true ones at least), then tune into this blog throughout the week to get the inside scoop on the exuberant man that is…Charles Fuqua Manuel Jr. (See! I told you everything on this site is true…)